The Meaning of Me

It has been a month (got sidetracked and sorry to those who follow) since my last post but the sole reason for the delay has been my time investment into family devotion. That being said let me take some time and give a big emotional thanks to everyone who donated, shared, passed on or said a prayer for our Team Khlo efforts. I really had no idea how quick or long it would take to reach our goal for Khloe but with a tear in my eye I can say that in two weeks we reached our fundraising goal of 20K (and continue to go strong past the goal). The world answered our prayers and now Khloe's family has the funds needed to move on to the next stage of acquiring an assistance dog for her seizures. I will add to that also that they have found an organization and the ball is set in motion. While it takes awhile to train and adapt the dog to its job it warms my heart to know that sweat Khlo will have a companion to watch over her making sure she is safe for many years to come.

Khloe has made a huge impact on me in more ways that I can explain. The little things in life don't even register in my minds eye anymore. I seem to process them in a sub-conscious fashion and then move on to the larger task at hand. My last few long runs (4 and 5 hour training runs) have been as close to amazing as I can call them. While sore and achy in numerous places all it takes is one glance at TeamKhlo on my hat or a quick glimpse at something purple I am wearing to bring my mindset back to one of accomplishment and not defeat. That's right every single run I go on now I make sure I have some article or clothing/gear that is purple as purple represents the Dravet Foundation.

For as long as I can remember sport for me has always been a battle of competition. A deep down sensation to allows push myself as hard as I could to try and be prepared for battle. An up and down emotional battle of wins and loses and at times poor sportsmanship in competition. I don't think I ever looked at sport personally as a 100% process of who I truly was. While many times in races I have had to go extremely deep into the pain cave it always seemed to be in response to a fellow racer or the time on the clock in regards to qualifying for some larger race that at the end of the day didn't change who I was as a person of signify who I was.

Now enter 2015 and all the negative that has come with it at times. Among family troubles, almost moving across country, career change, health scares and about 30 other little stress induced situations it would also be the first time in 15 years that I would not be competing in my love of triathlon.

Everything changed though the first day I signed up for the North Face Endurance Challenge 50 miler. I was entering a world that was unknown to me on a physical and mental level. Yeah I have treated dozens of patients/friends over the years who have run ultras but things never truly equate until its time for you to step on that start line.

All the unknown's started to enter my mind at that point....I have never run further than 26.2 so how will I almost double that, what happens if I reach mile 40 and my legs quit, I am not sure I am mentally strong enough to go the distance, there is nothing to qualify for so whats the point of racing, is this even considered racing or more of a personal quest and most importantly how am I going to explain to my loving wife that the race is on her birthday...ha ha...love you Britt!!!

Without boring you on the details of the numerous 3-5 hour long (hit 30 miles on longest run) runs that I have done the past couple months I can tell you that I have never been more at peace in my life. Ultramarathon training has given me that ultimate one on one psychiatric counseling with the one person who can change my outlook, belief system, goal structuring, ability to be a better father/husband, conscious mindset that everything will always work out and that one person is....ME!!

I have been able to realize that as a healthcare provider I absolutely love giving people hope and making them feel better. That I was put on this earth to be the best family man I could be and this year has been a blessing of sort cause I have been able to spend as much time as I want with the four ladies that make up my universe. That my mother has instilled in me more that I ever thought she did and like her I love to help out family, friends and others in whatever spectrum I can. That I married into an incredible family, while a little crazy at times they are extremely caring, loving and very unselfish. Most importantly i have been able to realize that the mind is a powerful tool and that it can limit your goals if you let it. I have had some dark places in my training but have used powerful tools like Khloe to push through and when you push the mind you will grow personally opening yourself up to many new avenues of success.

While I still have some doubts on the 50 miler in a few weeks I know that with the belief system I have in myself, the belief system I have in friends/family and the belief system that nothing is impossible I know I will cross that finish line a winner no matter what (don't tell my wife I am already mustering thoughts of a 100).

So while ultrarunning might not be in your deck of cards please find the activity that helps you find the meaning of you. We are at a time where believing in ourselves is of the utmost important. All success starts with you as an individual and until you can make sure that your mindset is strong don't buy into all the other hoax's or snake oils. Don't let social media define who you are but instead do some deep soul searching to find the foundation that makes you a force in your future.

Thanks to everyone who has supported me this year, supported TeamKhloe, continues to fight the good fight and believes in the mantra of "Make It Count!!!"